It’s easy to lose sight of our holiness – our wholeness – when we’re feeling pulled to our dark side. When we’ve spent the last few hours knee deep in food, gorging on ice cream, eating until we want to pop, we feel like the worst human being. Ever.
The challenge is coming back to center. How do you love and accept yourself when you’re at your worst? Indulging in those pesky behaviors that you are trying so hard to change?
There’s only one way – the grace of unconditional love. It’s a mother’s love, what we bestow upon our children, loving them even when they rage and fume and ire, pressing every one of our buttons. It’s also what we need to give ourselves.
Here are four ways you can love yourself after a binge:
1. Hold a higher vision. When you can’t see your way through your stuckness, call on a loved one to hold a higher vision for you. Tap into their love and strength to remind you that these feelings of being stuck, of going backwards, of never changing are just that – feelings that come and go, and most importantly, aren’t true. Have them remind you of your successes. Share their belief in you. I remember when I was preparing to run a half marathon on a whim, panicking the night before about my ability to race. My husband held a higher vision for me, sharing these words: “You’re in better shape than you think you are. You can do this. “ His words became a mantra throughout my race and proved true: I ended up running a PR. He stood in the gap for me when my belief faltered, lifting me over my doubt. I’ve never forgotten it.
2. Find gratitude and appreciation. Gratitude and appreciation are the antidote to shame and suffering. Our first human instinct can be to criticize, to find fault, rather than praise. What we focus on, expands. So if we focus on our faults, if we focus on our slip up, we’ll bring more and more of the same. Instead, think of what you’re grateful for. Think about what you appreciate about yourself. You can even appreciate that at one point, you did stop eating. Or be grateful that the binge is past. Binges are fabulous learning opportunities, because they’re a sign that on some level, we feel off, out of whack or in need. Spend some time after the binge to process what you were feeling and needing. This is powerful information to use the next time the cookie jar is calling. Can you find some gratitude for this knowledge?
3. Put up a picture of yourself as a child. I keep a picture of myself as a little girl on the bulletin board that sits above my desk. She reminds me of my inner goodness, my confidence, and my divinity. When I’m feeling shame or regret, wallowing in that horrible place of, “Why did I do this again?!?” I’m reminded that this little girl lives in me still. It is from this place of love and acceptance that I am able to examine those behaviors that I want to change, and gently let them go.
4. Hold lightly onto your mistakes. It’s easy for a woman to feel like she is never good enough, because every woman harbors a “bad mother voice,” a restless critic that pinpoints her faults and shortcomings. Give yourself the gift of compassion. Instead of focusing on your shortcomings – and everyone has them – honor your proud moments. Count your victories. Congratulate yourself on all the things that you do well.
