One of the ways we nurture ourselves is by offering ourselves the compassion, forgiveness and tenderness that we offer other people. We can do this by talking to ourselves with a warm, nurturing inner voice.
It took me many years to transform my inner talk, and even now, sometimes I flounder. Initially, my own voice was so scathing that I had to substitute my grandma’s and friends voices when I talked to myself: their kindness to myself was far greater than my own. Over time, as my own voice developed it’s own nurturing, I could talk to myself in a loving way. Hearing self-directed kindness in my own words, in my own voice is a balm to my spirit: the best kind of medicine for life’s pain.
What are other ways you can offer yourself compassionate, loving self-talk? Here are 5 ideas:
1. I’m so proud of you. As you praise and shower others with compliments, also praise yourself. When you tackle something difficult, stop, pause and relish in well deserved pride. If you’re working on changing something that needs changing, acknowledge the small steps that lead to progress. When you try something new, and step out of your comfort zone, praise yourself. In all ways, honor the everyday acts of courage that shape your days.
2. I love that about myself. How often do you praise your quirks, those aspects of yourself that are sometimes positive, sometimes negative? The other day, while sharing my new core/ab routine with my chiropractor, he laughed and said to me, “You’re such an overachiever.” At one point in my life, his comment would’ve stung, with an implied criticism. Instead, I was able to say to myself, “Yeah, I am, but I like that I’m that way.” Sometimes my overachieving tendencies causes me pain, but it also makes me, me. Lovingly accepting my quirks helps me relax about my “imperfections,” and recognize them for what they are: what makes me human. Yes, I love me, just as I am.
3. I love you so much. You’re so wonderful. Yes, it sounds silly, but try saying this to yourself over and over again. I say this to myself when I’m feeling sad or lonely, and it’s amazing how much it lightens my mood, and how nurtured I feel. When I speak to myself with such tenderness, I feel comforted in two ways: first, by my compassion, and secondly, by my empowerment: the knowledge that I have the tools and ability to care for myself when I’m hurting.
4. You are so beautiful. I believe every woman wants to feel beautiful. And yet feeling beautiful – which is what we’re seeking in every diet, beauty product, and fashion magazine – has more to do with the internal dialogue in our head than in the external image we see in the mirror. Even if you have a negative body image, find one thing you love about your physical appearance and focus on that. Focus on what you love and tell yourself how beautiful you are. I make a point to tell myself this whenever I’m in the bathroom: getting dressed in the morning, brushing my teeth at night, and then during trips throughout the day. It’s a natural reminder to feel my love for my body, instead of focusing on my flaws.
5.”You don’t have to be perfect to be wonderful.” Laurel Mellin, the author of The Pathway and The Solution, coined this phrase. Just say it outloud: don’t you feel the lightening that comes with giving up perfection? This phrase is a fabulous one to use when you make a mistake, or when you’re feeling regretful about something that you’ve done. I also use it when my dark side is my ringleader, during times when I’m feeling resentful, vindictive, petty, jealous, mean, or spiteful. It’s a gentle reminder that I don’t have to be perfect and fight my difficult feelings. Rather, if I sit with them, they will pass, and I’ll uncover the compassion and forgiveness underneath.
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