Esther Piszczek
Esther Piszczek is a former prosecutor who left the practice of law to live a more creative life. She loves to dance. She lives in Charlestown, MA with her supportive husband, Paul, and cat, Haley. To read more of her writing, visit her blog at http://episzczek.blogspot.com/
Unsweetened me.
I’ve been playing with sugar recently. Sharing the holidays with friends and loved-ones often spurs the desire to “relax” into sugar. I tell myself, as I reach for the ice cream with spoon in hand, that I deserve a little treat. I know that with just a little “hit” of that sweet goodness my mind will relax, the tension in my jaw will soften, and sharp emotional edges garnered from sharing too small a space with too many loved ones for too long a time will feel less jagged. I tell myself that I deserve a reward for making it through the day with a smile on my face even though inside I flirt with the desire to scream and run.
The spoon slips easily into the creamy, mocha delight. I blanch a bit as the bitter coffee flavor melts on my tongue. I decide to try another taste. An hour later I am chatty and relaxed. Feeling confident as the sweetness sweetens my temperament, I think loving thoughts of loved ones and holiday time, in general. Aaah, I think, the world is just a little bit lighter when sugar is involved. I know now why wine is a staple at the holiday table.
It is foggy and damp here today, with a chill in the air that runs bone-deep. I woke up, remembered my current struggle, and wept. My dalliance with sugar came to an end a week ago. With nothing to buffer the pain I am experiencing, raw emotion washes through my blood. I breathe deeply, I cry solidly, I breathe again. I do not feel confident, or relaxed, or loving. I feel alone and sad and slightly desperate. Sugar, in all its finery, does not dance through my veins. Unsweetened, no false sense of confidence nor chatty ease transfigures my emotional storm. Solidly in my pain, I am fully me.
The fog and rain continue to cloud my outside world. On the inside, I have found some measure of peace. A surprise gift in the mail, a call to a close friend, and a little external pampering in the form of a much needed hair cut allow me to reflect on my tumult with some objectivity. Comparing my recent holiday experience to the storm that raged within this morning, I am grateful for my ability to feel deeply. Free of sugar’s hypnotic effect, I acknowledge the deep courage it takes to truly feel my pain and wait . . . while, in time, the storm ebbs and the pain, softened by love this time, not sweets, slowly dissolves.
Sugar free oatmeal pumpkin spice cookies
As a teenager, I recognized my sensitivity to sugar, but did not actively try to work with it until May 2005. Since then, I have spent countless hours in the kitchen devising sugar-free recipes to enjoy and share with others. Of course, cooking is a chemistry experiment and sugar-free cooking takes the challenge of creating a pleasing dessert-like recipe to the next level.
I have discovered three key things that boost the sweetness factor in recipes. First, I incorporate naturally sweet vegetables like pumpkin, squash, and carrots into my creations. Second, I create ingredient combinations that do not require baking soda or powder, both of which contain sodium bicarbonate, a salt that decreases the sensation of sweetness. Third, I add sweet spices like cinnamon, ginger, vanilla prepared in naturally sweet glycerin, and sometimes curry to jazz up my dessert recipes. I find that when a dessert tastes satisfyingly sweet, I am able to enjoy a little at a time, guilt-free.
One of my recent creations is what I call Oatmeal Pumpkin Spice Cookies. Pumpkin is a great indicator for where my taste buds fall on the sweetness appreciation scale: if I find it sweet – excellent; if I find it close to intolerable – my diet needs more vegetables, period. This recipe is gluten-free when prepared with gluten-free oats, vegan when prepared with ground flaxseed instead of egg, and is naturally dairy-free. Enjoy, and let me know if you have suggested modifications at episzczek@gmail.com (Subject: Oatmeal Pumpkin Spice Cookies).
Oatmeal Pumpkin Spice Cookies
Preheat oven to 350° Fahrenheit Yield: 20-25 cookies
1 cup instant oats OR 1 cup rolled oats (processed to a course meal)
2 tsp. cinnamon
¼ tsp. sea salt
Dash allspice
½ tsp. finely grated fresh ginger,
1 Tbs. ground flaxseed meal plus 3 Tbs. water OR 1 egg, beaten
2 tsp. vanilla (I prefer alcohol-free vanilla)
1 cup pureed organic pumpkin (not the pie mix)
¼ cup raw sunflower seeds soaked for 5 minutes in steaming water to soften
Blend dry ingredients; add wet ingredients and mix well. Batter will be thick. Spoon by the tablespoon onto a parchment- paper-covered baking sheet. Bake at 350° Fahrenheit for 30-35 minutes or until slightly brown on bottom. Cookies will be crispy on the outside, moist on the inside, and will not rise. Enjoy!
Esther Piszczek is a former prosecutor who left the practice of law to live a more creative life. She lives in Charlestown, MA with her supportive husband, Paul, and cat, Haley. To read more of her writing, visit her blog at http://episzczek.blogspot.com/
Why I resolved to make 2011 sugar free
Guest author Esther Piszczek found that her sugar habit resulted in too many lies, to herself most of all. She has declared her intention to make 2011 different…
In August 2001, my body told me quite clearly that I needed to pay attention. I fell through a space in an open utility cover on a bridge while looking at construction behind me. I told about this experience recently at a story slam.
Pressed for time, I ended this story by saying that since I started listening to my body, “I’ve . . . been healthy ever since.” I felt my body flinch as I said this, because I knew the statement was not wholly true. For me, living a life of health means living a life of truth. Paying attention to my body means recognizing when I am not living in accordance with my values.
Since the 7th grade I have both loved and hated sugar. I love the taste of sugar. I love how free and dangerous I feel when I eat it, like I’m being a “bad girl,” because I can, and I love the fantasy I indulge in each time I eat sugar that this time, will be different; this time, I will be able to enjoy just a little treat. Most of all, I love how accepted and normal I feel sharing decadent desserts with family and friends.
I hate how eating a lot of sugar makes me lose mental focus, how my teeth become sensitive to hot and cold, and my sense of taste dulls. I hate how I feel like a liar every time I tell myself that this will be my last binge all the while knowing that it won’t. Most of all, I hate the realization that once again I have invited a destructive habit to harm my body and distract me from living my dreams.
In November 2009, I awakened to the realization that my nearly life-long love/hate relationship with sugar was much more than “just something I did.” I saw quite clearly that I could not live a life of truth and maintain this habit that required me to lie to myself and others.
At that time, I felt, desperately, that I needed help to deal with this unhealthy pattern. I did not seek it. On December 16th, 2010, I did. As I unravel the path that lead me to this moment, I feel more whole, more grounded, and more loved; and each revelation leads me closer to walking in truth, every moment.
Esther Piszczek is a former prosecutor who left the practice of law to live a more creative life. She loves to dance. She lives in Charlestown, MA with her supportive husband, Paul, and cat, Haley. To read more of her writing, visit her blog at http://episzczek.blogspot.com/