Posts by :
Moving out of fear and out of overeating
February 28th, 2011I have been thinking about my health and my weight and I know that the binge eating that I have relied on for the last year has served its purpose, but now it’s time to let it go. I’m ready to let go of this thirty pound gain – it’s been right at a year (give or take a few days) since the Awkward Coworker incident that started my downward spiral into Binge Hell. I finally feel ready to put my conscious self back in the driver’s seat and start losing this weight. But there is one thing that keeps me from actually starting…
Fear.
What if I can’t do this? Maybe I’m not ready to give up the comfort of cookies and mac n cheese? Staying where I am right now would be so easy – no effort to put forth, no planning, no saying “no” to the easy choices. The fear of actually making changes is hard to shake. But the desire to change is also hard to shake.
Right now today, the fear is equally balanced with the desire. If I stay perfectly still and make no moves whatsoever, nothing will change. I will feel noble because I have the desire, but I won’t have to challenge the fear. It seems like a win-win, right? Wrong. Because I know that eventually the fear will outweigh the desire and I will be stuck with this extra weight forever. And that is not acceptable to me.
Challenging fear is unfamiliar territory for me. I like the status quo. I like not rocking the boat. I am not a fan of drama, and turmoil. Geeze, I sound like a Stepford Wife with all my passivity (I think I’d rather be a Joan Jett – sassy rock stars who rock the boat are more fun, right?)
Anyway, I’m going to put my fingers in my mental ears and not listen to the fear when it whispers to me. I’m going to make some changes this week and see if I can get some momentum going. A trip to the grocery store, a trip to the park, and other assorted activities are all part of my plan this week to get out of the starting gate. We’ll see where it goes from there.
What is it they say about courage?
Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear. (Ambrose Redmoon)
Why the “Caring Ritual” means so much to me
February 3rd, 2011
When I started Karly’s Untangled course, I thought I would be learning a few tips and tricks to dealing with my weight issues. I had no idea that I would discover an untapped resource of nurturing right inside my own self.
In the Caring Ritual, Karly teaches that instead of stuffing our feelings down (with or without food) to face those feelings and to speak to ourselves and those feelings as if we were comforting a loved one. The simple of act of saying “I care about this pain, frustration, anger, etc.” has allowed me to feel genuinely compassionate towards myself. The blaming and self-flagellation are gone now, and have been replaced by kindness and sweetness.
Taking a few seconds to tell myself “it’s okay that you feel frustrated right now – you are going through a trying time, and it’s totally normal to feel this way” has saved me hours of berating myself and feeling like a failure.
When I use the caring ritual, I physically feel my shoulders relax, my breathing deepen and become more even and my anxiety feels more manageable. I am getting better at recognizing when I need to use this ritual, and I can pull it out and use it anywhere at any time.
Just this morning, driving into work I was feeling low and suddenly I wanted a donut very, very badly. I recognized the feeling and told myself, “It’s okay that you are feeling unhappy right now. Things have been hard lately and it’s totally normal to feel this way. I care about this pain you are feeling and we will get through this. Now, what do really need that you think a donut will give you?”
In answer to my own question, I realized that I wanted comfort and satisfaction. I wanted sweetness in my days, but not necessarily the sugary kind. When I faced these feelings and needs head on, the craving went away and I realized that if I did give in and have a donut (or most likely three) that I would feel physically awful later and then I would have to deal with the regret. That was just not something I wanted in my day!
This caring ritual has made me realize that I don’t have to have my feelings validated by anyone. Instead of brushing my feelings off as a hormonal fluctuation, I can say “It doesn’t matter if it IS PMS, you are entitled to feel the way you feel!” I realize my feelings are valid, because they are MY feelings no matter what time of the month I am having them.
The other day my husband said something that was (unintentionally) hurtful and when I told him it hurt my feelings, he said “You need to toughen up. You’re too soft!” I replied, “I’m a WOMAN. We’re supposed to be soft!” Being able to stand up for myself and my feelings is a direct result of using the caring ritual and it is changing the way I see myself.
I think what has surprised me the most about this ritual is that it has been inside me all along. I have always had the capabilities to nurture and soothe myself without food, but I had no idea they were there, just waiting to be discovered and put to use. I am so grateful that this ritual was shared with me and it is a tool I will continue to use in my healing journey.
After a lifetime of binge eating, Jill Armstrong is determined to get on a path to healing. You can read about her journey at The Sassy Pear (http://thesassypear.wordpress.com) where she writes and sometimes whines about the process of achieving a healthy life.
