4 ideas for kind weight loss

When you’re trying to lose weight, it’s not just what you do that determines whether or not you meet your goals. How you do it also affects the outcome.

If weight loss feels like a war against your heart, it’ll be impossible to maintain. Something (wise!) in us will resist because we naturally resist suffering. That’s why kindness is crucial. If we can kindly support ourselves as we lose weight, we have a much greater chance of shifting painful habits. It also feels better. Here are 4 ideas for kind weight loss:

Work on one thing at a time.

We may feel so overwhelmed by all that needs “fixing” that we become obsessive – anxiously reading every diet book or weight loss article in print. This is exhausting and chaos producing because we never feel like we can rest in having “enough” information.

Slowing down and focusing on one thing at a time – one class, one skill, one new idea – is a mercy that allows for focusing, processing and integration. It also fosters discernment. By slowing down, your behavior isn’t based in a “should” (I have to) or because you read it and it must be true, but from somewhere deeper and wiser – your own experience.

Take small steps. Prepare your foundation.

We can be in such a hurry to “fix” or “cut out” what we don’t like about ourselves that we demand instant change. We want weight loss in 7 days, not 7 months.

When we do too much, we get overwhelmed. We either procrastinate because it’s too overwhelming to begin or we drive ourselves mercilessly, get fatigued, and quit. Then we lose hope in our ability to change. We feel like our only solace is to stay right where we are – so we might as well just eat the plate of brownies.

Learning takes time, effort and practice. It’s often uncomfortable. Having to work to change, or feeling the discomfort is not a sign that something’s wrong, but (happily!) a sign of growth.

We create a foundation for growth by preparing our environment; by taking one small step at a time. Do one thing to move yourself forward, which leads to the next step, and the next. Each step moves the energy forward, fostering hope and possibility, a belief that, “I can do this.”

Ask for support.

We are creatures of belonging. We need each other to grow, heal and change. More than that, we need to feel this safety – being held by others, feeling connected to other beings, feeling a part of the circle of humanity – in order to heal.

I love the way Dr. Harville Hendrix says it:  “We’re born in relationship, we’re wounded in relationship, and we heal in relationship.” Another way to put it is this: separation is spiritual and psychological death. When we feel small, separate and alone, we feel disconnected from life – and love – itself. It’s excruciating. So excruciating that growth is impossible.

Letting yourself be loved and supported by others is a kindness. It takes courage, I know, because it means being vulnerable. And yet there is something life giving when we share our pain with others and they say, “I understand. I can feel that way, too.” You feel less small and separate and more like you belong; like the pain isn’t personal to you but just a part of life.

Let yourself experiment and make mistakes.

Another way to say this is, “Focus on growth rather than results.” Growth is messy, messy, messy. There will be steps forward, steps back, moments of understanding, moments of deep frustration, moments of doubt, moments of joy – moments of everything! If we allow for this, and accept the mix, we can soothe the anxiety of “I’m not growing in the way I should.”

Nietzsche said it takes “chaos to give birth to a dancing star.” A butterfly literally squeezes its way out of the chrysalis to form its wings. Chaos is not a sign that anything’s wrong. Neither is messiness. It’s a natural, normal, healthy sign of growth.

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