Why do we look to food to fill us? To meet our needs? It’s quick, easy, inexpensive, socially acceptable, and it works. At least for a while. Then the shame of overeating sets in.
We can meet our needs and feel our feelings without having to turn to food. Here are 7 ways to honor your needs without emotional eating:
1. Feeling negative feelings actually feels good. Most of us avoid negative emotions, because, quite simply, they hurt. But if we let ourselves truly feel them, they hurt only for a time. When you’re sad, feel your sadness in your body, let it flow through you, so that you can move on. Children instinctively do this: when they’re upset they cry their tears, and then, after they’ve processed their hurt and disappointment, they sigh, crawl off your lap, and sidle off to play. We can do the same, and find the same freedom from painful emotions, and the excess we use to assuage them.
2. Find internal ways of giving yourself comfort. When you find yourself reaching for the bag of chips, or logging onto your favorite shopping channel, stop and ask yourself: What am I feeling? What do I need? And then take the steps necessary to meet those needs, without resorting to food or buying something. If you’re lonely, call a friend. If you’re bored, go for a walk. If you’re sad, write about your sadness and cry your tears.
3. Be willing to be vulnerable. Often, what leads us to seek out external rewards is our discomfort with intimacy. I abused sugar for years, usually when I was sad or angry about something my husband or another loved one had done. It was easier for me to “eat” my pain then to have a difficult conversation about how they’d hurt me. Yes, it’s uncomfortable to be vulnerable, to reach out and share your hurts with one another, or to risk an argument. But sharing the bad as well as the good with others is what gives our lives a feeling of intimacy, belonging and connection, things we’re often searching for in the bottom of the cookie jar.
4. Reframe how you look at choices. Every day you make hundreds of choices, each one an opportunity to manifest your ideal life. Separate them so that one “bad” choice doesn’t pollute the others. If you messed up and had ice cream for breakfast, forgive yourself, move on, and choose a sensible lunch. We don’t have to punish ourselves by skipping meals, or exercising compulsively (one mile for every infraction.) Instead, we find ways to make healthy choices all day long, no matter what happened 30 minutes before.
5. Recognize you can’t have everything you want. You can’t eat everything you want and have a healthy body. You can’t buy everything you want and have financial freedom. You can’t do every activity you want to do and have a balanced life. How do you pick and choose? Give yourself loving boundaries: this is caring for yourself, being a wise steward of your resources.
6. You can do anything for 10 minutes. Overwhelment is a feeling, and usually isn’t grounded in reality. We feel too tired to exercise, so we nix any movement for the day. Counter overwhelment by setting a timer, telling yourself you can do anything for 10 minutes. You may find, as I did, that after exercising for 10 minutes, you’re feeling good enough to continue for another 20. Break up your long term goals into manageable, 10 minute tasks that you
can make a part of your daily routine.
7. Break down change into manageable steps. The reason we resist making small changes is that we want instant results. Who wants to spend months losing weight? None of us do, which is why we try to make big changes, and many at the same time. Accept that it will take time to reach your goals, and then do 2 things: find ways to support yourself in the interim, and make small changes every day that will lead you to the big changes that you seek. So, for example, if you’re trying to lose 50 pounds, buy yourself a small interim wardrobe of clothes that fit the body you have today, so that you can feel pretty while you lose the weight, instead of at some future point. Set realistic goals, rather than taking on everything at once: add movement one day; swap an unhealthy food for a healthier food; eat breakfast.
Confirmation that through self-love we can be happy! And the logistics of putting it into practice. Thank you.
wow…thanks again
I think you must have a crystal ball and be able to see into my life because this is a very timely post for me….i have really been struggling lately with clutter, mental clutter and clutter in my house….and i needed to be told to attack iot bit by bit and slowly. I have managed to lose 10 kilos in about sixteen months and i understand that it takes time and a daily committment, i get that, now i have to apply that principal to my house too.