Guest Author Marina L. lives in Arizona and is finding out for herself, day by day, how to let go of a long sugar addiction with courage and good humor.
Diet or no diet, I’ve always made an exception for free samples. It’s rare that I’ve ever passed them up. For example, shortly after starting this class, I decided to try to go off sugar, or at least reduce my sugar consumption. And I did so.
I had been off of sugar for about a week when I walked into a grocery store to get a few items. I walked by the bakery, and, even though I’d been off of sugar for so many days in a row, I passed a stand of free miniature donuts, and I had one. And then later, I had one more before I left the store. I scarcely even gave it a thought.
You don’t mess with the free sample rule, which is to say, the free sample is the exception to the rule.
So, this weekend my companion and I went to the semi-annual art walk, where the local artists open up their studios for people to come see their art. And along with the art, they all put out little snacks — most often cookies and candies.
Before I left the house, I listened to the Acceptance CD by Karly Randolph Pitman. Then I reminded myself of what sugar does to me, and that even if I don’t have an obvious reaction, it usually starts up a craving cycle — a cycle that I’d managed to tame recently. Having tamed it, my cravings would be too easy for me to take for granted — unless I stayed conscious.
By slowing down and giving myself some time to review things, instead of just charging out the door, I was able to get conscious of this.
(In spite of the valuable time I’d just spent with myself, I still had some doubt when I left the house.)
As I went from one studio to the other, I glanced at the snacks and quickly focused elsewhere. I was surprised to find myself going through my day, ignoring free snacks. Each time, there was a hint of conflict and reluctance, but just barely. It was almost like something in me was saying, “Wait. Really??? We’re just going to leave them there? That can’t be right!”
But I stayed focused and engaged in walking through the studios, seeing the art, interacting with some of the artists, and with my companion.
On our way home, we decided to use a gift card we’d been given to go to a restaurant for dinner. I usually get iced tea, and put stevia in it. I reached in my purse to get a stevia packet, but there wasn’t one in there. In the past, I would have rationalized at that point, and just used sugar. But I didn’t want to, and I don’t believe in using the pink, yellow, or blue packets of artificial sweetener.
So I drank my tea without sweetener. I was impressed with myself. I thought, aren’t you pushing your luck? As Karly talks about, won’t there be a build-up of tension, due to feeling deprived?
But I decided to focus on the value of the experience I was having in the moment. I was out with my companion, my best friend. We both have health problems and don’t go out much. His health has been declining the past few years, and I reminded myself that our time together is precious, and so I put my focus into appreciating the moment, rather than the lack of sweetness in my tea.
And really, there isn’t anything sweeter than being present in the moment. I don’t do it often, but it’s something that I want very much for myself. I believe it’s where joy lives. I’ve believed that for a very long time, but I haven’t practiced it. When I’ve asked myself why, what has come up for me is that deep down, I don’t believe I deserve. That’s not to say “I don’t deserve such and such.” Instead, it’s a feeling of “I don’t deserve” as a state of being.
As a side note, I can’t help but think that having more stable brain chemistry can only increase the likelihood of it being possible to be present in the moment. Something about being able to focus better and something about sobriety. They seem like ingredients for being present, and it sounds like there’s some good synergy in this work.
So the day was successful and rewarding. But I didn’t assume that meant I’d mastered anything. I think it was a combination of working with myself, and also luck. Luck because I know there are going to be many, many times ahead where food is going to be so compelling, it’s going to take a lot more to keep me from slipping up.
I had done well, but the day wasn’t over yet. I stay up late, and dinner isn’t the end of my eating…
Return to this site to read the upcoming installment of this story soon to be published by Marina. In the meantime, read Marina’s earlier story here as she began the sugar addiction class.
