Here’s a list of common terms that are used on First Ourselves and in Karly’s growing human(kind)ness therapy:
Abstinence – Consciously limiting the intake of certain foods. For example, many of those who are sugar sensitive consciously limit the intake of sugar and refined flour. I think the key word is conscious, as abstinence can easily become controlling, rigid, and fear based, which leads to rebellion and suffering. In my experience, abstinence is sustainable and joyful only when it is motivated by love.
Acceptance – One of the 6 practices of growing human(kind)ness. Setting limits and mourning what we can’t change.
Awareness – Shining a clear mind on your habits, beliefs, fears, feelings and behavior. Seeing things as they are. Often can be experienced as a-ha moments or finding clarity.
Beating yourself up – Feeling guilty, engaging in critical self talk, chastising yourself for making a mistake or blaming yourself. Beating yourself up is much different than sorrow or regret, which is grieving what we wish were different, including our own behavior. This sorrow leads to healing. By contrast, beating ourselves up keeps us stuck in the very behaviors we’re beating ourselves up about! It keeps the cycle going.
Befriending yourself – Dropping judgment, blame, and guilt and offering yourself unconditional love and acceptance. This creates safety to turn inwards – to become intimate with your inner landscape. This relationship is then the basis for behavioral change.
Centering – One of the 6 practices of growing human(kind)ness. Questioning and reframing your rules, shoulds, beliefs and expectations.
Compassion – One of the 6 practices of growing human(kind)ness. Dropping judgment of self and others, deep listening to the hurts underneath the food stuff, and offering these deep hurts care and empathy.
Counterwill – The inner rebel or internal voice that says, “You can’t make me,” when we’re trying to facilitate change. Counterwill is a form of resistance. The way out of counterwill is deep listening – giving those resistant voices a chance to be heard. It is a loving relationship with all aspects of yourself that brings them on the same “side.”
Deep listening – Listening deeply and kindly (without judgment) to the answers/responses of inquiry. Listening to the deep messages of the heart.
Detox – The beginning stages of removing sugar from the diet.
Enough – The feeling of “I have what I need in this moment.” Enough is often cultivated by presence, awareness and mindfulness. It’s an internal state of the heart, not an external state depending on the inherent impermanent nature of life.
External freedom from food – The external practices or structures that create freedom from food suffering. This may include food rules (I prefer the term centering), loving limits, boundaries, structures, conscious eating, or weight loss.
False beliefs – The beliefs, shoulds, rules and expectations we carry about life, ourselves, and God. Many of these aren’t true, which is why we call them false. And yet they feel true because the society at large believes them, or we’re taught them by the culture. Much of our healing is questioning and releasing false beliefs that do not serve us.
First Ourselves – A community site of women untangling from food and weight. Here’s what the name means: as food and weight stuff is a source of suffering for so many women, by healing this pain, we create healing, peace and love in the world.
Flowing – One of the 6 practices of growing human(kind)ness. Moving energy and emotions through the body and creating energetic boundaries to buffer intense energy (versus the energy getting stuck in the body and seeking an outlet in food.)
Food suffering – Any kind of food or weight suffering, such as overeating, bingeing, bulimia, anorexia, orthorexia, food addiction, body hatred, obsessive weight loss, and compulsive dieting. It is often compulsive in nature and is an attempt to soothe pain.
Grounding – One of the 6 practices of growing human(kind)ness. Creating loving, rhythmic structures and routines. The daily habits of self care.
Growing human(kind)ness – A therapy created and taught by Karly Randolph Pitman to foster emotional, spiritual and physical healing from eating disorders and food suffering. It’s an alternative to treatment programs that feel punitive or abstinence based.
Inner critic – The voice of the “judge” inside that turns on us with criticism, judgment, blame and doubt.
Inquiry – Asking yourself questions to uncover the hidden beliefs, expectations, feelings and emotions that are under the food.
Internal freedom from food – Internal freedom from food suffering, characterized by freedom from obsessive thinking about food and weight. Even more than external suffering, internal freedom is a characteristic of the heart that feels open, loving, secure and kind. This is the deepest level of healing, and what we often want above and beyond external freedom.
Judgment – Labeling things, people, behavior or feelings as good or bad, negative or positive. Most things are a mix!
Limits/loving boundaries – While the spiritual world is limitless (thank goodness there is no limit on things like love, God, compassion, and forgiveness!) the physical world has limits. We each have limits of time, money, attention, energy and more. Our stomachs have limits on how much food they can hold. Our bank accounts have limits. We may consciously set limits on the amount of foods we eat, how we eat, or the types of food we eat to find healing from food. For example, I set limits with sugar, as sugar is an addictive food for me.
Part of healing our food stuff means honoring the limits in our lives. We honor the limits of the physical world to create the vitality, health and wholeness that we desire, as well as to create the space for what is most important to us, to live out our deepest values.
Limits and loving boundaries are a component of acceptance, one of the 6 practices of growing human(kind)ness.
Meditation – A process of internal quiet and silence. Connecting with the Divine as you experience it. I believe meditation is a form of prayer.
Mindfulness – Witnessing or kindly observing the thoughts, beliefs and feelings in your inner landscape. Also, to bring your whole heart to your daily life: to do things with care, presence and attention. Mindfulness underlies many of the practices of growing human(kind)ness.
Nurturing - One of the 6 practices of growing human(kind)ness. Investigating the deep needs that drive food suffering. Caring for these needs.
Openheartedness – A state of non judgment, where we accept others and ourselves as we are. A quality of heart where we don’t turn others into objects or enemies in our minds, and where we don’t make enemies of ourselves in our minds. It’s a quality of unconditional love; a quality of freedom that lets life, ourselves and others be loved and accepted in any moment.
To clarify: this state of acceptance is not about accepting violent behavior, justifying abuse, or being a doormat or victim. Likewise, to be openhearted doesn’t mean we don’t set limits or have boundaries. It’s a paradox: we can be both openhearted and have loving boundaries.
Overeating – Eating more food than your body needs, eating for other than nourishment, or eating until you feel overly full.
Practice – Often used in spirituality as in, “a spiritual practice.” A set of disciplines, rituals, routines or habits that connect you to your deepest values, self, and to the Divine as you experience it. Examples include prayer, meditation, mindfulness, scriptural study, and yoga. Many use their relationship with food as a form of spiritual practice.
Presence – Deeply paying attention, whether it’s to the flavors or textures of your food, to a loved one when they’re speaking to you, or to your own inner landscape. It’s often called “living in the now” or “living in this present moment.” Paying attention is a form of love. So paying attention to our lives creates feelings of aliveness, love and deep, abiding satisfaction.
Sanctuary – Finding refuge or solace in something. In growing human(kind)ness, I speak of creating internal sanctuary, a place of love and belonging inside. Sanctuary is characterized by nonjudgment, acceptance, and belonging. It’s the epitome of “home,” where you feel safe, loved, seen and understood.
Self acceptance – Loving yourself as you are. Offering yourself mercy and compassion, forgiving yourself for being less than perfect.
Self hatred/self abuse – Unkindness towards ourselves because we feel guilty and ashamed for being imperfect. Most of us carry around a belief that we’re not okay to some degree or another.
Self love/self care – Caring for the tender, precious human being that is you. Loving yourself.
Self sabotage – Getting in our own way. Often due to beliefs and hurts that are lodged in the subconscious, beyond our conscious awareness. We offer ourselves kindness and awareness to heal these painful beliefs. This heals the source of self sabotage.
Self-talk – How you talk to yourself inside your own mind. Self talk is often picked up from those around you and internalized in your own mind.
Spirituality /spiritual path – Your path to God; how you connect with the Divine.
“Stuff” – The pain, suffering and issues that are wanting healing in your life.
Sugar addiction – A feeling of being unable to stop eating sugar once you start, craving more and more to be satisfied.
Sugar sensitive – Someone who is biochemically sensitive to sugar due to several factors, including low blood sugar, low dopamine, and low beta endorphins.
Support forum – Free womens’ forums on First Ourselves where women talk with others who are healing their food stuff.
Unconditional love – Loving yourself as you are in this moment.
