In October, I attended the premiere for The Inner Weigh, a film about a spiritual approach to weight loss, which is up for sale today. (I’m one of 20 teachers in the movie, including Victoria Moran, Gay Hendricks, Mary Morrissey, and Bronwyn Marmo, pictured with me at left.)
It got me thinking: what does the inner weigh mean to me?
So many of us punish our way to change – we think that hating ourselves (whether it’s our fat, overweight bodies, or overeating or any of the “character flaws” that we use to define ourselves) is how we find success. We think that if we loved ourselves as we are, that we’ll stay stuck, overweight, and miserable – that our compassion will give us permission to indulge in painful behaviors.
Self-hatred only feeds self-hatred, and its cousins shame, blame, and guilt. By contrast, self-love feeds self-love. To paraphrase Carl Rogers, when we accept ourselves as we are, we can change.
We’ve all tried diets, willpower, strict regimens – and they don’t work. (Here’s why.) The way we go about changing – the intention that feeds our behaviors – can cause harm or peace. Instead of punishing ourselves to change with diets (which cause harm), we accept ourselves as we are to change (which leads to peace – and yes, weight loss.) By softening judgment, we can listen deeply and see what’s there with fresh eyes.
We learn about ourselves and why we’re turning to food in the first place. We uncover the ways we’re unkind to ourselves. As we replace unkind behaviors with kindness, our bodies (and our lives) reflect this shift.
Changing our eating habits takes effort. Looking at our “stuff” – painful emotions that feed overeating – takes courage. That’s why we need compassion and unconditional love.
It’s how we find the new habits, the accountability, the desire to eat and care for our bodies differently. We don’t force it. It arises naturally on its own – because you have everything you need to heal inside. Goodness, love and care aren’t anything you have to manufacture. You “remove the barriers to love,” as the poet Rumi wrote, and you allow that love to unfold, to guide you forward, step by step, into new ways of living and being.
Kindness, not punishment, is the doorway to right action – to living out your deepest intentions; to shifting painful habits like overeating, to caring for your body out of reverence, love and respect, versus control, fear, or anxiety.
Yes, Dorothy, the answers are inside. And kindness, dear one, is the path to weight loss.
Great News!!!
The Succeed Foundation is a new UK charity focusing on Eating Disorders. We believe that our holistic approach can make a big difference: our strategy is to engage individual sufferers , their families, professionals and the community at large.
To introduce the first medical research based program to be proven to really work in the US, we are holding an Awareness event in London on the 24th and 25th November 2010.
“Together to recover”, the Succeed Foundation
Visit our website http://www.succeed-foundation.org for more information and to register or email us at office@succeed-foundation.org
You are right on, Sister!! I loved your blog post. Great photo, too
You’re right about self-love feeding self-love. It’s only when we dare to love ourselves as we are right now, that true healing and change takes place. I know all too well that it takes courage and faith to love what we deem as unlovable. But it truly is the path to our greatest joy. You are a shining example of what love, kindness and compassion can create. Thank you for being a beacon of light for so many of us. The Inner Weigh(TM) is the only way. Love you, Bronwyn