After you’ve binged on sugar or food, you usually feel terrible: bloated, overly full, gassy, and irritable. You may have a headache; feel a sugar rush or buzz, be wired or alternatively tired. You’ll probably have strong sugar cravings (learn how I kindly, and gently stopped eating sugar here) later that day or the next.
How can you love, nurture and care for yourself in this space?
1. Don’t starve yourself. Eat. I know it sounds counterintuitive, but fasting after a binge will only make you severely hungry, which can easily lead to another binge, decimating your self-esteem. When you’re hungry again, eat. If you binged at night, start fresh by giving yourself a healthy breakfast. Stick to clean, whole foods (sugar free if you can) and drink lots of water. Lots of veggies and lean protein works best for me. You can’t change the past, but you can prepare for your present and future by feeding yourself whole, healthy foods to prevent a future binge.
Starving ourselves is a subtle form of punishment – “I was so bad yesterday I don’t deserve to eat today.” By contrast, feeding ourselves when we’re hungry again is a tangible way of saying, “I forgive you. You don’t have to suffer because you made a mistake.”
2. Forgive yourself. Trying to starve yourself the next day is a sneaky way to try and get away with bingeing, to “make up” for your slip – “I’m going to make up for yesterday by not eating today.” Instead, admit you made a mistake. Forgive yourself. Be very, very kind to yourself: Beating yourself up or criticizing yourself won’t make you change. Compassion and regret (not shame – there is a difference!) can. I talk more about self forgiveness here and here.
One of the ways we can forgive ourselves is by recognizing that we don’t binge because we’re terrible, horrible people. We binge because we’re trying to meet a need. We’re trying to care for ourselves – as messy as it is. Learn more about why we binge here.
When we stop judging our bingeing and listen to it, we touch our unmet needs – all the hurts and wounds inside, all the things that aren’t working. By caring for these needs with understanding and compassion, we find the ability to care for ourselves without bingeing.
3. Move the emotions through your body. A walk after a binge is a great way to move the painful regret, sadness, frustration and loathing I feel through my body. A good cry also helps. I always feel better crying my tears, as if I were cleansed. Other ways to move the emotions: gentle yoga, stretching, deep breathing, rocking in a rocking chair or swing, meditation and dancing. I call this practice flowing – one of the 6 core practices of my compassion based approach to healing food stuff, growing human(kind)ness.
4. Detox. To help my body detox from so much food and sugar, I often take a bath or shower after a walk and cleansing my tears. I make my own bath salts with Epsom salts and essential oils; soaking in them helps me feel better both mentally and physically. I also make myself a large pot of Celestial Seasonings’ Tummy Mint tea. It soothes my digestion. That and a good book or a phone call with a friend boost my spirits and helps me move from regret to reconciliation: How can I do this differently next time?
5. Have a starting over ritual. Showering, bathing, walking, brushing your teeth: any thing that signals to you that you are starting over, starting afresh or anew is helpful after a slip. Writing out my feelings is part of my ritual. I get out my notebook and write down: “I am angry…,” “I am sad/regretful…”, “I am frustrated…” This emotional housecleaning feels so good. Then I offer myself compassion and forgiveness: I love you so much even though you slipped up. I am proud of you for getting back on track. I am hopeful that you can love and care for yourself. I also have several photos of myself as a young child in my home. Looking at these pictures reminds me that I still carry that child with me, and reconnects me to my goodness. I’m not a horrible person because I messed up; I’m merely human.
Learn more here about reconnecting with your goodness (healing the shame and “I’m a terrible person voice) and what to do when you’re really, really stuck.
6. Get back on track as soon as you can. When you slip up with a sugar binge, you usually have terrible sugar cravings for the next 3 or 4 days. If you are trying to get back on track, do what you need to do to support yourself through the sugar cravings. Outside support is often crucial. I would tell my family, “Mommy slipped up and had some granola last night. Can you help me by hiding it again and encouraging me over the next few days? I’ll be craving sugar and could use some extra help.”
I’d also go back to grounding (another core practice of growing human(kind)ness) and give myself lots and lots of structure. The more the better, as it made getting back on track easier. Another note on getting back to your sugar abstinence: I wouldn’t wait too long. As more time passes, you’ll retrain your sugar habit, the brain will want its sugar hit, and it will be harder to go back to not eating it. For me, when I spent more than a few days in, “what the hell, I’ve slipped up, I might as well stay here a while and enjoy it” mode, it always turned into several months of sugar bingeing.
Learn more about grounding here in 5 ways to stop a relapse and Help! I’m gaining weight and bingeing again.
7. Offer yourself comfort. When you’re feeling remorseful about overeating, you don’t need to berate yourself any further. You already feel badly enough about bingeing. What you need is comfort, compassion and kindness so that you can objectively look at what happened and find ways to act differently the next time. In my experience, this is the difference between blame and learning.
Comfort yourself just as you would comfort a small child: cuddle in bed with a pillow or stuffed animal and cry, talk to yourself in reassuring tones, “It’s okay, honey. You’re going to be okay.” Or try picturing someone from your childhood who gave you unconditional love – a grandma, for example – and visualize her comforting you in the present moment. All of these things help ease the sting.
When your inner critic goes haywire, beating you up for your mistake, and you find yourself in a mental spin cycle of racing thoughts, I find it helpful to use these phrases: “Come back.” This reminds me to get out of my head and ground myself in my immediate physical experience. I also like the phrase, “Feel your feet on the floor” to reconnect with my body, the ground, the earth, my physical home.
“Just breathe” helps too!
To promote self acceptance, I love saying this phrase aloud, borrowed from a dear friend: “I love all of me.” It’s particularly helpful for me when the voice of, “Why can’t you be different?” starts its chorus. Try it. Take a moment and whisper to yourself, “I love *all* of me.” Doesn’t that feel soothing?
8. Move out of your head and get support. We tend to distance ourselves from friends and loved ones when we’re overeating or when we’ve made a mistake. We feel ashamed for being imperfect, so we try and hide it. However, when we break through this barrier, and share our pain with a compassionate listener, we find immediate relief. When you’ve been overeating, share on the free forums and reach out for support so that you don’t feel alone. Talk to a friend. Move the energy with expression.
It’s easy to delve into overthinking, where you get trapped into a mental rut, going over and over something in your mind. Telling your story stops the spin cycle and enables you to find the exit ramp.
You can also offer yourself compassion and empathy. Listening to our own hearts and caring for our feelings can even prevent a binge, a process I describe in the post, Stop a binge in its tracks with empathy.
9. Give yourself self acceptance. It’s easy to offer yourself approval when you’re on your “best” behavior. But what about when you’ve been overeating? Do you offer yourself love and support at those times, as well?
It’s ironic that these low times are when we need our approval the most. Without our approval, we feel bereft, judged, unacceptable. We feel unlovable and not okay.
When we’re in this space, it’s very easy to go back to overeating because we’re feeling so badly about ourselves. Self-acceptance is what breaks the chain, so that you stop after one mistake, instead of piling them up, one after the other, until you hit rock bottom. Your unconditional love creates a safe container for you to change. It is what enables you to put the fork down and ask yourself, “What is really going on here?” and shift.
10. When you’re ready, examine what happened. Binges are fabulous learning opportunities. Try and examine what was going on: how were you feeling beforehand? What thoughts were running through your head? What expectations or shoulds ran the show? Write about the event and see if you can make sense of it. This can help you prepare for the next time. Think of how you can support yourself next time so that you can act differently. As psychologist Rollo May said, “Nature does not require that we be perfect, it requires only that we grow, and we can do this as well from a mistake as from a success.”
My free Binge Rescue worksheet offers a map to unlock the source of the binge and prevent it in the future. You may also enjoy this post on how to prevent a binge.
Consider 5 kinds of support from First Ourselves to heal overeating, sugar addiction, and end the binge cycle:
- Join our free Support Forum to gain support from others just like you.
- Download the free Binge Rescue worksheet to walk away from a binge, care for your feelings without eating them, and gain clarity on the next steps you need to take.
- For help with sugar bingeing, try Overcoming Sugar Addiction for Life. This workbook explains the path that I used to stop eating sugar and teaches you how to compassionately heal a sugar addiction.
- Heal Overeating: Untangled heals the emotional roots of overeating. Learn how to unhook from the beliefs, thoughts and emotions that lead you to overeat or binge on any food.
- Listen to free podcasts on healing overeating: Trusting your needs, navigating transitions without food, help for “I can’t handle this!” moments, removing the barriers to love, and trusting in the growth you may not see.
NO NO NO TO #1!!! “fasting after a binge will only make you severely hungry, which can easily lead to another binge, decimating your self-esteem. When you’re hungry again, eat.”
THIS IS NOT good advice to give someone on a binge. After binging, your blood sugar shoots up and you get “hungrier” (it’s temporary cravings, not REAL, “hi this is your body speaking & actually need nourishment right now” hunger. Usually if someone has just binged a day or a few days in a row, they won’t WANT to eat anything healthy (which shows they’re not truly hungry). All they would want is fattening things that they’ve been binging on. Thats because the cravings are still strong, so they “think” they’re hungry, even though they couldn’t logically be actually hungry after eating three days worth of food the day before. CRAVINGS =/= HUNGER. Cravings are simply mental longings for food.
THE BEST way to fix all the symptoms after a binge (weight gain, super strong cravings, bloatedness, unhappiness) is to fast. Lots of people say “OH NO it’ll make me want to eat more!” but for most people, that’s a lie that they convince themselves, a self-fulfilling prophecy. fasting for a short time is not “starving yourself”, nor is it deprivation. It’s allowing yourself , your body, your entire digestive system to relax and recover after a sudden extreme overflow of fattening, damaging foods. After a short 24 hour fast, not only do I feel rejuvinated and un-bloated, but I also feel confident in my ability to continue my healthy eating as normal, because my body is now cleansed of most of the junk i filled myself with prior. fasting takes a lot of self control and determination, which is what many people who binge don’t have. But if you do push yourself to accomplish it, you’ll reep the benefits.
I know that some days I’ve gone on a two day binge, but by finally gathering myself together and fasting for one or two days after that, I’m able to get back to my healthy diet and continue losing/maintaining my weight as normal, almost immediately recovering from the damaging binge. Whereas if I would’ve allowed myself to “just keep eating”, I would’ve probably gained even MORE weight, before I was finally able to stop myself from binging and start eating normally again. Fasting makes the process so much quicker and the effects MUCH LESS detrimental than they otherwise would be.
It’s only if YOU see it as “starving” or “depriving” yourself, that you’ll want to go back to binging and overeating again. But these are lies you’ve programmed in your own head. The actual deprivation is allowing yourself to binge, depriving yourself of happiness and a healthy body. If you actually realize and believe in the healing effects of a fast, and look at it in a POSITIVE WAY, you will feel so much better after a short fast, and come back on your diet stronger than before.
Trust me.
Hi Angie,
I appreciate your sharing your experience, and your concerns. It sounds like you’ve thought a lot about this. I also hear a desire for freedom in your words – I hear how much you’re suffering and how much you want to be free from food and weight pain. I’m sorry that you’re hurting and struggling with food.
I agree with you that we need to shift our perception of overeating/bingeing as being kind to ourselves and eating whole foods as punishing. So, yes, healing entails a shift in how we view food and our relationship to it.
At the same time, I don’t recommend fasting after a binge and recommend eating normally. When I say normally, I mean eating whole foods and minimizing sugary, processed foods that are highly addictive by nature.
Here’s why I recommend this: I find that in most people, fasting after a binge is used to “undo” the “damage,” – it’s a weight control device. I don’t think that this creates a healthy relationship with food, the body or ourselves. From my perspective, when fasting is used in this way, it’s either a subtle form of punishment or a way to try and “escape” from the natural consequences of a binge.
My focus is not on behavior but on relationship and intent. This is because, in my experience, relationship and intent are the drivers behind lasting physical healing (the behavioral changes with food in what and how we eat), as well as emotional and spiritual healing. And it is this – the deepest level of healing – that I want for you, and for everyone.
I can make this concrete with an example from my own life. For years I exercised to make up for my binges, and also to try and keep my body thinner than normal. On the outside, I was doing all the right things and looked like a poster child for exercise.
And yet, my “healthy” behavior was actually quite unhealthy, because the relationship and intent (the energy driving my exercise) was controlling, anxious, fearful, and mean – it was about trying to control my body to look a certain way, not to take care of it.
As long as my relationship to exercise was unhealthy, it didn’t matter what I actually did. What brought me freedom was aligning my physical exercise with my values – as a way of being kind to myself and caring for my body, not a desire to be skinny. Kind intent/relationship + healthy behavior = freedom!
Lastly, I don’t see bingeing as an in issue of will power, determination, or control, but as a consequence of several factors – including overwhelming emotion, overstimulation/overarousal, and unmet needs. Physical hunger, low blood sugar, mineral/vitamin/nutritional imbalances and more may also play a part.
For this reason, I don’t blame you, me or anyone who binges. I look at bingeing with curiosity – can we seek to understand what’s driving our behavior rather than judging ourselves for it? When we understand what’s going on, we can move to this step – caring for our pain so that we don’t have to binge to feel safe, lovable and ok.
In loving care, Karly
I just ate a slice of pizza and a cupcake because I had such a terrible day and hadn’t eaten more than 400 calories. I wish I hadn’t done it but it was in a slur. Does anyone have a tip for how you can resist it if it’s presented in front of you? This is a good article, but I find myself in that position a lot.
If its presented in front of you walk away, don’t eat it. Don’t have it in your house. I notice when I don’t buy the bad stuff I don’t eat it. If its easily accessible you will eat it.
Hi Kalie,
My guess after reading your comment is that you were hungry, as you hadn’t eaten much all day, and so you ate the pizza and cupcake because you were overhungry.
I find that eating regular meals helps stabilize your blood sugar so you aren’t starving. When we’re starving, our biology takes over and we’ll eat anything in front of us.
In love and care, Karly
You are not a terrible person for binge eating. It used to happen to me all the time, but I finally had enough of it and changed all of my eating habits for good. You just need to keep a positive attitude, and things will change for you I am sure of it.
I hate myself. I binged last night because I was alone and my parent went to sleep earlier. I consumed my entire days worth in 2 hours, froms 2AM TO 4AM (having already consumed what i should consume during the day) I felt so bad and so fat. I hate this world and everyone. I ate in the dark and constantly think about food until my stomach couldn’t fit any more. What is wrong with me!!!
Dear Vicky,
I would love to ditto what I shared with Ana below, as I believe these words may nourish your heart, as well.
I would love to hold you in my arms and reassure you how lovable and wonderful you are. You are not a terrible person for bingeing – my guess is that you are in pain, and you binge to care for yourself.
Please hold yourself and let yourself feel held and loved. Your pain needs compassion and care – it is crying out for it. Do you have a strong support system? I would highly recommend seeking support from a counselor, friend, loved one, therapist – I know when I’m feeling caught in self judgment I need the love of others to help me heal. Therapists have been lifelines for me!
I would also love to introduce you to the concept of foul frustration, a term of Dr. Gordon Neufeld’s. When frustration turns foul – when it gets stuck in the body, and when it feels too much to bear, like too many things aren’t working – we attack. We either attack others or we attack ourselves.
The feelings of, “I hate myself,” are a form of self attack. When I learned this, I found it very helpful, as I could detach a bit from the feelings of, “I hate myself” and recognize them for what they are – frustration.
In love and care, Karly
Just thought I’d share a few recent posts I’ve written on this topic:
20 Reasons Not to Binge Right Now – http://recoverybits.wordpress.com/2011/08/30/20-reasons-why-i-am-not-going-to-binge-right-now/
30 Things to Keep a Binge at Bay – http://recoverybits.wordpress.com/2011/11/10/20-things-to-do-before-you-binge/
20 Reasons Not to Hate Yourself After a Binge – http://recoverybits.wordpress.com/2011/09/09/20-reasons-not-to-hate-yourself-after-a-binge/
Recovery Is Not a Destination – http://recoverybits.wordpress.com/2011/09/12/recovery-is-not-a-destination/
Hope you find them helpful and please let me know if you stop by – I’d love to hear from you!
Thank you for sharing your story with us, Joy! I see your passion for writing and helping others.
We publish guest authors if you’d be interested in sharing more on First Ourselves. You can learn more here:
http://www.firstourselves.org/about/blog-post-policy/
Warmly, Karly
it happens everytime i lose… i just EAT SHIT and then feel so bad after its terrible
then i have to start again trying to get fit and skinny and its just the worst
i just did it tonight :’( i hate myself so much… its not just because of bingeing its everything as well.. I HATE MYSELF. I HATE ME. I WISH I WASN’T ME.. I WISH I COULD JUST BE NORMAL AND BE GOOD FOR ONCE… it will never happen beause i am shit i am no good i am crap
Oh, Ana, precious soul,
I would love to hold you in my arms and reassure you how lovable and wonderful you are. You are not a terrible person for bingeing – my guess is that you are in pain, and you binge to care for yourself.
Please hold yourself and let yourself feel held and loved. Your pain needs compassion and care – it is crying out for it. Do you have a strong support system? I would highly recommend seeking support from a counselor, friend, loved one, therapist – I know when I’m feeling caught in self judgment I need the love of others to help me heal. Therapists have been lifelines for me!
I would also love to introduce you to the concept of foul frustration, a term of Dr. Gordon Neufeld’s. When frustration turns foul – when it gets stuck in the body, and when it feels too much to bear, like too many things aren’t working – we attack. We either attack others or we attack ourselves.
The feelings of, “I hate myself,” are a form of self attack. When I learned this, I found it very helpful, as I could detach a bit from the feelings of, “I hate myself” and recognize them for what they are – frustration.
In love and care, Karly
gosh i just binged on 300g of nuts, i feel awful and bloated and guilty. i idint touch any sugar though coz i’m ona a low carb diet. but i feel so bad now. what am i supposed to do? its all fats!!!
Hi Angell,
While sugary/starchy, salty, and fatty foods are the most common culprits, in my experience, we can overeat any food. I’ve even overeaten chicken breasts!
One of the things that helped me was looking beyond the food itself to uncover why I was eating it in the first place.
For example, I remember a time when I was overeating pistachios. I was running errands with my children while my daughter was at soccer practice. I was feeling frustrated at my two younger children (who were being silly and running around a store). I was feeling angry at them, and then feeling anxious for feeling angry. I then began mindlessly inhaling pistachios because I was feeling anxious about feeling angry.
This is rich knowledge. I can see – wow, I don’t like feeling anxious! I eat to cover up this feeling. And I can see – I don’t like feeling angry, either. I feel guilty when I feel angry. So I can work on caring for my anxious and angry feelings so I don’t have to eat them.
What was coming up for you when you reached for the nuts?
XO, Karly
Hi Angell,
I just posted a new article on how to soothe anxiety without eating:
http://www.firstourselves.org/2011/wavy-boundaries-and-overeating/
I hope you find it helpful!
XO, Karly
Have just woken up after yet another sugar binge which has been a reaction to a wine binge, Feel awful, Tired, sick, bloated , fed -up Just cant stop doing this all the time. Feel so unloved and lonely. please help me help myself!
Hi Gaynor,
Your mentioning how the wine led to sugar makes me think that you’re sugar sensitive. According to Kathleen des Maisons, the author of Potatoes not Prozac, sugar addiction and alcoholism are *both* types of sugar addiction.
You can learn more about the science behind this here, as well as take a brief quiz to see if you fit the symptoms of sugar sensitivity:
http://www.radiantrecovery.com/newsensitive.htm
When I learned about the biochemical origins of sugar sensitivity and sugar addiction, it *greatly* helped me release the shame I felt about being so gross, out of control, and more. It’s not your or my fault – it’s just wiring in the brain. In my experience, when we gain knowledge, we can remove the shame. Then I am much more able and willing to do the things I need to do to care for myself – and I believe you’ll find this true for yourself, as well.
You are not alone, dear one. XO, Karly
Hi Gaynor,
I was feeling exactly what you are two days ago. It’s so frustrating because while you’re binging you KNOW that you’re going to regret it after–but if you don’t binge then you have this huge empty feeling inside and you can’t rest until you do it. The best thing to do (even though I haven’t gotten my binging episodes under control yet) is to just get right back up where you were. You wouldn’t have binged unless you were feeling disappointed about something, but life has its ups and downs, and in the grand scheme of things, you’re going to have binges but that doesn’t mean that things are going to end. Life is a big adventure and you have to just keep moving on… just think, maybe next time you get a craving to binge, talk to yourself and tell yourself how you’re going to feel if you binge on sugar, and then brush your teeth so you don’t eat anything, and then turn on some music. In the morning you will feel SO much better–and glad that you didn’t cave in to your inner monster!
At least this is what I plan to do–or at least try next time. 
Hi Sweety,
Something I learned tonight in a parenting class: the brain can only protect or grow. It can’t do both at the same time.
We often binge as a form of protection. It’s an old, old coping mechanism to protect us from a deep vulnerability. In order to feel safe to feel the vulnerability – without bingeing – we need safety.
On an emotional level, we give ourselves safety with compassion and unconditional love; “inviting ourselves to rest and exist unconditionally in our own presence,” as Dr. Gordon Neufeld describes it. Without this love, we won’t feel safe to feel the vulnerability.
One way we can offer ourselves this safety is by practicing this tip, from a dear friend (who also teaches Dr. Neufeld’s work.) When your inner critic goes haywire, whisper to it, “Shh. I love *all* of me.”
Ah, just writing that makes my whole body soften and melt….
I feel embarrassed about how much I think about sugar and food. It’s so sad and I feel ridiculous, and whenever I start binging on food I know that my body is going to hurt the next day and that I shouldn’t, and I try talking to myself, but the thing is that I enjoy eating too much and it’s so comforting, and I WANT to eat, so it feels like I cannot do anything to stop it. And then when I’m on a roll and eating I feel scared because it’s like I let this demon out of its cage and I’m like frantically looking for more food to binge on. My mom is always like…wow, you’re really hungry today huh? But it’s like NO I’m not hungry I…just can’t stop. Whenever I feel anxious or depressed (which is often), I try to fill this void inside by eating. And it just sucks. It’s a Tuesday right now and I’m thinking about food when I should be studying. Ha. I know that I can be strong at times, but I guess now is just not one of them.
Hi Sweetie,
I want you to know you are not alone:) There is nothing wrong with you and you are on a journey. It’s a long and hard journey but it’s so important not to give up. I find so much comfort knowing I’m not a freak and that there are people out there that struggle with this suger “demon” just like me. I’m still struggling. Somedays I feel like I’m drowning but knowing that Karly has such beautiful words and intentions seems to make it better.
Elle G:)
Dearest Elle,
Something I’ve had to learn over and over again, and that greatly helps me: Never, ever, ever give up on yourself.
Sometimes we binge because we feel hopelessness and despair. This sense of, “I’ll never be able to change/fix this/make this better.” So if this is the case, I might as well comfort myself with food ….
I find sitting with hopelessness a powerful practice. To feel the sadness and frustration….and then to ask ourselves, “Is this true? Is it true that I’m hopeless?”
And then, rather than trying to fix everything, I work on doing one thing differently. Just one thing. Doing one thing differently, dear Elle, can enact a powerful change of events – most especially because it brings back your HOPE.
So proud of you!
I just ate a huge bowl of pasta. I feel full, bloated and fat. I’m about 40 lbs over what I’d like to weigh. As miserable as I am , I want Christmas fudge I was given. I tried getting all sugar out of the house, but i would just go buy candy or cake when I wanted to. Now I have a whole new inventory of holiday goodies. I waste so much time with bingeing and I’m so tired of letting food control me. None of my clothes fit, I get out of breath walking up my driveway. I’m fed up with myself, but I keep eating.
This post was absolutely amazing!
It came at a time when I was feeling ashamed and overwhelmed. Its practical and soothing steps helped me to pull myself out of the pit in which I was wallowing.
Often times, I am at a complete loss after a binge. I can not tell which step leads to the right direction. These simple steps were exactly what I needed.
Thanks!
i felt the same way how are you doing now?
My binging happens about once a week, but no matter how much I read or research on the subject I don’t stop. Every other day of the week I’m in fear of eating more than 300 calories and the one day out of that week I binge on things like a lot of cereal and peanut butter (which is what really kills me) until I feel full and extremely sick. I don’t know how to become healthy, not only with the binging but also with the borderline anorexia I delve into daily because of fear of gaining weight again. Help?
i do the exact same thing deprevation!! binge on sugar! hoe r you doing now??
i am recovering from a binge eating disorder. i thought it was gone. now it’s that time of the month and i just binged on 4000 cals. yesterday was great. today is horrible. i was feeling so good about myself… perhaps what makes it worse it that i am leaving for a vacation in the bahamas tomorrow. how do i regain my confidence?
Hi Sue,
I’ve done that, too. And our hormonal cycles as women can definitely make it harder!
One thing that I always noticed about myself was that vacations, visits to family, trips would trigger bingeing because I was anxious. I was nervous about how I might be perceived by friends and family and I would also feel anxious about not bingeing while traveling. I would then soothe my anxiety with food!
I know it sounds crazy, but food was my go to coping mechanism. So even though my bingeing made me anxious life made me more so. So I would binge to soothe my anxiety about bingeing!
It might be interesting to gently uncover what was really going on. What was frightening to you about going to the Bahamas?
Can you hold that frightened part of you tenderly? Can you care for that frightened part of yourself? I do this by literally putting my hand on my heart and saying, “I care for you. I care for this suffering.”
One thing that is helpful is to recognize that when you go back to food it’s not a sign that you “failed” or that you are no longer “healed.” It just means that your circumstances outstripped your ability to cope.
So then it becomes a matter of asking yourself two questions: 1. How am I feeling? 2. What do I need?
If I am feeling scared about this trip, or scared about going back to bingeing, how can I give myself feelings of safety? How can I reassure myself that I will be okay?
Then find a way to meet the need. It may mean reaching out for support from a friend or loved one, someone with whom you feel safe. You may ask them, “Will you help me so that I don’t binge while on vacation?” and give them concrete steps they can do to help you, like taking a nightly walk with you on the beach if you feel the need to binge coming on, or keeping certain trigger foods out of the vacation home.
Where many of us get stuck is that we stumble, and we feel so ashamed of stumbling that we “hide out.” We isolate ourselves. We suffer in silence. We don’t reach out for the support from others that could help us say no to a binge.
You reached out by posting a comment here – a great first step. I would encourage you to keep reaching out for help. Take as much help as you need. It is not a sign of weakness but a sign of tremendous courage and strength – because you are willing to gather the support that you need to heal – even if it feels scary, uncomfortable, and humbling.
Do not struggle alone. Life is way too hard for that.
I hope you have a wonderful vacation and I know you can do this.
XO, Karly
Thanks for the encouaging words. Got up last night at 3:30 am and made oatmeal cookies. Ate 8 of them last night, falling asleep between bites, then waking back up and eating some more. When I got up this am (11:00) I felt horrible. Dizzy, tired. So what did I do? Ate 6 more cookies. Now it”s 1:15 and half the day is gone and I feel like all I want to do is sleep. This was an almost every night occurrence for me when I took Ambien, but since switching to Lunesta 2 months ago this is the first time it’s happened. I’ve lost 15 pounds since I started sleeping all night and now I just pray that this isn’t starting all over again. For the first time in 2 years I feel focused and happy and I just can’t go back to the way I used to feel! Thought about going to buy some chromium (spelling?) to see if it would help me get past this feeling. I know if I take a nap, when I wake up the cravings are going to be worse then ever. It does feel better to tell someone though. I’m absolutly disgusted with myself right now. Sugar = tired, cranky, depressed and headaches. So why do we eat it ???????
I just binged 4000 calories and feel like hell. I tried for the second time in my life to “purge” but my stomach is so stubborn I only ended up dry gagging and making my throat hoarse…just like the first time. It’s getting worse and I don’t know what to do. Before I’d freak out at 500 or 600 calorie binges and now I can’t believe I ever thought that was bad! I binge a lot but am just slightly overweight since I exercised tons to make up for it (we’re talking 2-5 hours depending on binge severity). I promised myself to stop since I know it’s bad and I ached so bad at times I binged more than 3 days in a row but the binging hasn’t stopped so I’ve gained 8 lbs in the last 2 months! I don’t even know what I’m doing posting here…I’m just totally at a loss for what to do. I was googling for what to do after binging haha.
I think I can accept that my ideal weight isn’t Hollywood’s (that’s about 18 lbs below what I am now) but now I’m afraid I’ll never reach that either since dieting only makes binging worse, but I’m so depressed over how I look right now I can’t even go out. D–ned if I do and d–ned if I don’t.
Your blog post did help though. I just have to wait until I don’t feel so gross and bloated that I can fall asleep.
Hi K,
Oh, sweetheart, I know, I know, I know. Those out of control binges feel awful. I binged for years – sometimes throwing up, sometimes not, sometimes trying to eradicate the effects of the binge with exercise…..
From reading your story, I’m guessing that perhaps you are bingeing because you are hungry. Are you trying to diet to lose weight and then are overhungry and binge?
When I skip meals, I almost always overeat. I have pretty sensitive blood sugar, so eating regularly is a godsend to me. I feel better on every level.
Perhaps eating regular small meals would help you too.
I’m also guessing that you are trying to lose weight. One of the reasons I started bingeing was because I was trying to be 10-20 pounds thinner than my normal, natural weight. In a sense, I was always dieting, which meant I was always trying to eat as little as possible.
When I couldn’t fight my biology anymore – at some point, you can’t argue with genuine hunger – I would go crazy with food and binge. And then I would feel gross and disgusting and bloated and either purge or try and starve myself to “make up for” the binge.
Crazy, huh?
I have found tremendous healing with my food stuff by: 1. honoring my normal, genuine physical hunger by feeding myself regular, healthy meals, and 2. releasing those Hollywood expectations I held for my body size.
This took me many years – mainly because I didn’t want to accept that my body would never be super skinny. (The only way my body is super skinny is with an eating disorder.)
Releasing this idea that “I am flawed and terrible” because I am not a size 2 has given me so much peace.
Releasing the idea that I am flawed and not okay, period, has been the deeper part of my journey out of food.
I hope that my story offers you some hope as you travel on your own journey.
You may want to read our free ebook on body image. Check the body image section for more info.
Much love, Karly
Hi I hate myself I am a fat unmarried 47 year old and I have just binged on a whole saucespan of spaggetti bolognaise I hate myself
Hi Mary,
Binges can make you feel terrible – I know. I hope that you were able to find some comfort. XO, Karly
Love this article. The best thing I’ve seen on the web with regards to overeating. Your lovely, compassionate tone heals even through the reading of it.
Thank you.
You are so welcome, Hannah. I’m glad you found us here! XO, Karly
im bingeing at the moment….its hell. i will get abstinent again
Saskia,
Yes, bingeing is hell – because of all the shame and self loathing and guilt that comes along with it. I hope you are in a better space now. And I’d love to reassure you that this, too, shall pass. XO, Karly
Mimi,
I isolate myself when I’m overeating too. I know that pain all too well.
When you say you feel out of control and fear being rejected, know that there are women like you encouraging one another in our Support Forum. It’s a great place to come to get support and end the isolation. I learn so much from the wise women there.
Best,
Karly
rough day…need support. feel out of control. fear of getting fat..being rejected by everyone-and ending up alone.