My childhood memories are punctuated with sugar: bakery donuts on Sunday mornings; a pillowcase full of candy on Halloween; Dairy Queen trips in the summer; pies at Christmas. Our home had a junk drawer brimming with potato chips, pretzels, cookies, and tortilla chips. This didn’t include the ice cream in the freezer, the muffin mixes in the cupboard, the Pepsi in the fridge and the candy bowl on the piano. I ate sugar every day, and thought nothing of it.
I ate raw cookie dough, baked cupcakes, or had popcorn and Coke when I was feeling sad. As a teen, I became bulimic, and my favorite binge foods were sugar-laden: ice cream, candy, cheesecake, donuts, pastries, and muffins.
In my 20s, I became cognizant of my sugar addiction. I was having children, and I wanted to eat better, both for my babies’ sake and my own. I could no longer eat whatever I wanted and still feel and look good. I also experienced the first inklings of depression that plagued others in my family, and was looking for a cure.
I read several books about sugar and its addictive qualities. The information changed my life: finally, I understood why I could eat an entire bag of Twizzlers in one sitting. The connection between sugar consumption and depression was eye opening, too: no wonder my moods were constantly swinging.
And yet, even with all this knowledge, even with all my experience of how terrible sugar made me feel, in body, mind, and spirit, it took me over a decade to find significant healing. I’ve gone on and off sugar more times then I care to count.
Here’s how my script played out:
I’d be sugar free for several months, and then have a piece of cake, justifying my indulgence by vowing to return to my sugar abstinence the next day. I would tell myself I would eat just one serving and put the rest away, forgetting that I have never been able to eat just one slice my whole life.
One cookie would turn to two, then three; to candy the next day; brownies thereafter, then an entire can of raisins. Before I knew it, I was bingeing on sugar, eating out of control, riding an emotional roller coaster of mood swings, depression, and irritability.
Finally, I’d reach my saturation point, and put myself through the painful process of sugar detox. Then the cycle would start all over again.
When I don’t eat sugar, I feel fantastic: my moods, blood sugar, and emotions are stable. And yet I’d go back to eating it because I’d feel deprived; or I’d want pleasure, or I felt like lightening up.
I ate sugar because it connected me to my childhood, and all my happy memories. Or I bargained with myself, justifying that I could handle sugar because I felt so good (forgetting that the reason why I was feeling good was because I wasn’t eating sugar.)
I rode this back and forth roller coaster for many years. Finally, after one too many sugar binges, I surrendered. I realized that I can’t eat sugar and also have the health and wholeness that I desire.
I didn’t want to accept this. I still secretly wanted to eat sugar, just without the negative side effects. I was heartbroken.
But I couldn’t escape the truth. While some people can have a dessert every now and then, I’m not one of them. When I eat sugar, it eventually leads to a binge, every single time. It eventually leads to obsession (where all I can think about is my next sugar hit) and addiction (where I’m bingeing or planning a binge.) Every. Single. Time. Sugar leads to pain. Every. Single. Time.
I realized that I can’t live the life I want to live if I’m bingeing on sugar. I can’t be the parent (my children will gleefully relay that sugar turns me into Witch Mommy), wife, woman (it’s really hard to feel good about your body when you feel sick and bloated from overeating), writer, or friend that I want to be while I’m depressed and eating sugar out of control.
It became a question of sugar, or my life.
I chose my life.
And I mourned. I mourned what I couldn’t change – that my body doesn’t react normally to sugar. I mourned the loss of sugar. And mourning enabled me to find acceptance. It’s what gave me the courage to move forward, to find the living in my sugar free life.
Yes, there are trade offs. Sugar free living means giving myself excellent self care, support, and nurturing. For example, I eat three to four meals a day, everyday. I do my best to get a good night’s sleep. (It’s hard to resist sugar when you’re exhausted.) When I go out to dinner, I choose a restaurant that has something I want to eat. I carry food with me when I’ll be gone for the day. I plan meals. I eat protein at my meals to balance my blood sugar. I primarily cook whole foods, and so I spend a lot of time cooking for myself.
Yes, this entails effort. Sometimes I get weary. And the effort is worth it, because it gives me my very life; my very health.
It’s much, much harder to look in the mirror and not like what I see; to feel the terrible shame of a binge; to hide myself from the world because I’m depressed and recovering from a food hangover.
Sugar free living doesn’t deprive me, but nurtures me. It’s what sets me free to give, to love, to experience the true joy and richness of my very life. And it’s a doorway that I enter, over and over again, to open me to love. To open me to grace.
To learn more about how I found peace with sugar, you can order the new edition of Overcoming Sugar Addiction as well as the follow up workbook, Becoming Binge Free. I also offer small group classes. In love, Karly
bonjours,
moi je croix que je suis affreusement accro au sucre car je peux en manger un kilo dans la journée si je ne me stop pas je ne c pas comment faire pour arreter et la j’arrive sur mes trente ans et je commence a grossir donc ce qui me déplait totalement si vous pouvais me donner deux trois petites astuces pour arreter se serais super
donc je dis au-secour aider moi a arreter svp
amelie
Karly,
I feel so blessed that I stumbled upon this website. I am a mommy to two young boys and am hopelessly addicted to sugar, and have been for a LONG time. I have tried so many times to quit, but I feel so hopeless sometimes. It has only been recently that I have come to understand that I am truly addicted…I didn’t think you could be addicted to sugar! How wrong I was! Thank you for this information. It has inspired me more than you know. Tears are coming to my eyes because when I read your sugar story, I completely related to it. Thank you once again!
Hi Jenny,
Thank you for your tender, vulnerable note. I can empathize with your feelings…thank goodness we have each other. Thank goodness we’re not walking this journey on our own. I’m glad my story can be a help to you. XO, Karly
i am a mother of six .2 years ago my husband of 16 yrs walked out on us. I am engaged now to a wonderful man and will see him,since he lives in the UK, in 4 wks. I am horrified because i am definately addicted to sugar. My mother and grandmother were alcoholics. I feel, with this sugar addiction, that i have duplicated them in a different version. i actually never considered myself a sugar addict til i just read your article…i have been unsuccessfully dieting for yrs. what i need is a diet on paper to follow. i need to see it. no explanation needed..i will follow it. i am 211 lbs now ….5 ’4 in height. i want to be below 150….but more important detoxed. can you show me where there is an on paper weekly or monthly diet that is simple…?
Dearest Jackie,
I highly recommend Kathleen Des Maisons’ book, Potatoes Not Prozac. She explains the science of sugar sensitivity and addiction (as well as the connection with alcoholism.) She also includes advice on what to eat. Her book was a lifesaver for me!
In my own life, I began with eating breakfast (including a protein), as I was a notorious breakfast skipper. Then it would play havoc with my blood sugar and led to bingeing later on in the day. Next, I worked on eating regularly (every 3-4 hours for me) and including protein in every meal.
These steps made a huge difference in how I felt. Then I was able to work at eliminating some of the sugar, bit by bit, and including more whole foods in my diet (less food that came in packages and more veggies, protein, fats, some fruit, etc.)
I hope that helps,
In love, Karly
Has anybody tried going to AA meetings during their initial withdrawal from sugar? If it really is a drug, wouldn’t that be useful as a support group????
Hi Ida,
Kathleen des Maisons was one of the primary researchers into sugar addiction. (She wrote Potatoes not Prozac, a great book that I highly recommend.) She says that alchololism, is, in fact, a form of sugar addiction. So you are seeing that connection, too. I know some women who are addicted to sugar have used OA (Overeaters Anonymous) or FA (Food Addicts Anonymous) for support and have found it helpful. I think you are right – support is crucial when you’re trying to change a painful pattern like sugar addiction – or any addiction. We offer an online support group to get off sugar here at First Oursevles if you’re interested: http://www.firstourselves.com/sugar-support/
XO, Karly
Hi Dawn,
I don’t use artificial sweeteners or eat dried fruit – the key for me is getting my sweet “hit.” That is the addictive piece for me. I do eat regular fruit, but in moderation – it’s a treat for me, not an everyday food. I actually feel much better limiting my fruit intake.
But that is for me, and for my body. Initially, when I worked on giving up sugar, I just focused on added sugars. Then, over time, I worked on getting off dried fruit – one of my favorite binge foods, because the sweetness is so concentrated.
I am very sugar sensitive, which is why I have to be so careful. This may not be true for you. So I would start where you can, and then listen to your body: what foods make it feel great? What foods make if feel terrible?
I would also try and embrace this journey as an opportunity. My food issues are always an invitation to learn and grow, and, more importantly, an opportunity to come back home: to find myself.
I’m curious, do you eat things that are sweet but sugar free? Do you use artificial sweetener? What about fruit, the natural sugar? I think I may suffer from a sugar addiction (probably caffeine too) but I’m not sure I can give it up….
Hi Dawn, I eat a whole foods, low sugar diet. I eat fruit in moderation – too much of even natural sugars (like fruit) doesn’t make me feel good. For me, that equals about a serving of fruit a day, and choosing mostly low sugar fruits like berries and apples. Dried fruits like raisins were actually my favorite binge foods because they were so concentrated with sugar – even “natural” sugar: I stay away from all artificial sweeteners, too. They make my body feel horrible and excacerbate the sugar addiction. You’ll find that after you stop eating sugar, your taste buds change. So I taste the natural sweetness in almonds, salmon, fruit, carrots, and vegetables. Sometimes fruit tastes too sweet for me! I hope that helps. XO, Karly
Thank you. That is very helpful. I had not considering thinking outside the box of traditional breakfast items. I appreciate your response!
You are very welcome, Heather. I often eat soup or leftovers from the night before for breakfast. Another favorite breakfast of mine? A baked acorn squash sprinkled with cinnamon, pecans and drizzled with flaxseed oil. I also like millet and vegetables for breakfast.
Sure….I think the trick is to think outside of the box, and beyond typical “breakfast” fare. I’m not a big egg fan, either, so I typically eat my dinner leftovers for breakfast the next day. Here’s what that looks like—this is what I’ve had for breakfast this week: salmon, brown rice and stir fry veggies; lentil soup with a side of steamed chard; roast chicken, black beans, and a big salad; plain kefir (it’s like yogurt, but it has less lactose—which is the natural sugar in milk, more protein, and lots of good probiotics)with ground flaxseed, walnuts, and almonds; a bison sausage with steamed broccoli and a bowl of chili.
When I start my day with a hearty breakfast with protein, I stay full all morning, have great energy, stable moods, and eat less later on in the day.
If you’re interested in learning more, I’m writing a guide to giving up sugar for good, an ebook that will be available for purchase on First Ourselves next month.
This is a very inspiring post. Do you mind telling us some ideas for a sugar-free breakfast? I am not a big fan of eggs, and don’t have much time in the mornings. I feel like all the breakfast items that come to my mind (cereal, granola bar, yogurt) have sugar. Any ideas would be appreciated.
wow! You just described my life, except I haven’t been able to kick my habit. I’m absolutely addicted to sugar and cannot seem to get off of it. I can’t wait to figure out how you did it!!!
Hi Lisa,
I know you can get off sugar. My book, Overcoming Sugar Addiction, explains exactly how I broke free:
http://www.firstourselves.com/sugar-support/sugar-addiction-book/
I feel like a different person when I’m not eating sugar – as if the switch to binge has been turned off in my brain. I want every person to have this freedom.
In support, Karly
Your story sounds just like me…..except I haven’t kicked the sugar yet. I’m off to read about how you finally got off the sugar treadmill. Thank you!
Hi Pam,
For more help in getting off the sugar treadmill, try reading my book, Overcoming Sugar Addiction, http://www.firstourselves.com/sugar-support/sugar-addiction-book/
The book comes with the 12 week Sugar Addiction support program, our most popular offering for breaking free from sugar: http://www.firstourselves.com/sugar-support/
I admire your courage to follow through on your intention to live sugar free. I am so proud of you,
Best, Karly