Guest author Esther Piszczek found that her sugar habit resulted in too many lies, to herself most of all. She has declared her intention to make 2011 different…
In August 2001, my body told me quite clearly that I needed to pay attention. I fell through a space in an open utility cover on a bridge while looking at construction behind me. I told about this experience recently at a story slam.
Pressed for time, I ended this story by saying that since I started listening to my body, “I’ve . . . been healthy ever since.” I felt my body flinch as I said this, because I knew the statement was not wholly true. For me, living a life of health means living a life of truth. Paying attention to my body means recognizing when I am not living in accordance with my values.
Since the 7th grade I have both loved and hated sugar. I love the taste of sugar. I love how free and dangerous I feel when I eat it, like I’m being a “bad girl,” because I can, and I love the fantasy I indulge in each time I eat sugar that this time, will be different; this time, I will be able to enjoy just a little treat. Most of all, I love how accepted and normal I feel sharing decadent desserts with family and friends.
I hate how eating a lot of sugar makes me lose mental focus, how my teeth become sensitive to hot and cold, and my sense of taste dulls. I hate how I feel like a liar every time I tell myself that this will be my last binge all the while knowing that it won’t. Most of all, I hate the realization that once again I have invited a destructive habit to harm my body and distract me from living my dreams.
In November 2009, I awakened to the realization that my nearly life-long love/hate relationship with sugar was much more than “just something I did.” I saw quite clearly that I could not live a life of truth and maintain this habit that required me to lie to myself and others.
At that time, I felt, desperately, that I needed help to deal with this unhealthy pattern. I did not seek it. On December 16th, 2010, I did. As I unravel the path that lead me to this moment, I feel more whole, more grounded, and more loved; and each revelation leads me closer to walking in truth, every moment.
Esther Piszczek is a former prosecutor who left the practice of law to live a more creative life. She loves to dance. She lives in Charlestown, MA with her supportive husband, Paul, and cat, Haley. To read more of her writing, visit her blog at http://episzczek.blogspot.com/
Esther, you have the ability to provide information to all regarding self-help and making life better for yourself and others. Your education in these matters can be of benefit to everyone.
Beautiful Esther. I think this quote may resonate with you: “Only in the presence of compassion, will people allow themselves to see the truth”. – A.H. Almaas.
XO, Karly
So beautiful. What an inspiration to be honest with myself!