When you’re bingeing (or bingeing and purging), you’re caught in a highly stressful state. At this point, reason is not in charge. You’re not thinking about how terrible you feel after bingeing. Your only thought is how to give yourself relief, which is what we believe the binge will give us.
I liken a binge to a panic attack because it feels similar in its intensity and the drive to eat *now!* It’s a very tight, intense place of “I have to, I must, I can’t handle this for one more minute…” It’s a build of emotional energy that pow! we find relief from when we binge.
How can we soothe ourselves when we’re in this state? Many of our tools don’t work in this instance because we’re in such a place of panic! We feel caught.
One of my favorite tools to prevent a binge is the “Damage Control Tool” from Emotional Brain Training. You use this tool when your mind is spiraling out of control, when you feel that tight space of “I have to…”, when you’re overwhelmed, caught in obsessive thoughts, when you feel like you’re drowning underwater, when a loved one says or does something that triggers a desire to binge, or when you try on your pants, find that they’re tight, and a torrent of judgment (I’m a fat cow, I’ll never change, I’ll never heal…) throws you under, and sends you to the fridge.
Here’s how to use this tool:
1. Step 1 – Tell yourself, No judgment. Use your name with this step. For example, I would say, “No judgment, Karly.” Using your name is very calming. As Laurel Mellin, the founder of EBT explains, it creates a feeling in the brain of a loving parent caring for us. Much of our work is giving ourselves this unconditional love and care, the nurturing that we need to heal the emotional brain.
Why do we say no judgment? Because when we’re caught in a panic we’re often judging ourselves. We feel guilty or responsible – this sense of “I shouldn’t be feeling this way.” To soothe this blame, we offer ourselves the mercy of “no judgment” towards ourselves for being human – for feeling panicky, stressed, anxious, overwhelmed or wanting to binge. We also offer “no judgment” towards others if we’re blaming others.
2. Remove yourself from harm. This means to get out of the house, the kitchen, to separate from the food, to call a friend, to go for a walk – to do whatever you can to keep yourself out of harm’s way.
3. Tell yourself, This too shall pass. Again, use your name. This powerful reminder reassures us that while we’re feeling out of control in the moment, everything passes. This will pass.
Repeat the cycle until you feel calmer. It usually takes me about 5-7 cycles, depending on my stress level, to move out of panic.
When I’m in a calmer state, that’s when I’m able to access the other tools that help me – the 6 practices of growing human(kind)ness, deep breathing, inquiry (exploring the needs and feelings that led to the desire to binge), and more.
Other tools that help me move out of a binge:
1. Calling on love. I will literally “call on love,” calling love to me – people both past and present in my life, spiritual figures, pets, love itself, blanketing myself with this love. I imagine them holding me in my time of need until the anxiety and panic fades.
2. Rocking your cravings to sleep. I’ll be posting on this technique separately. I also teach this technique in Overcoming Sugar Addiction for Life
3. Meditation. Meditation has greatly helped me in creating greater capacity to sit with intense feelings (like wanting to binge!) without acting on them. I aim for a regular practice of 30 minutes a day.
In love, Karly
Dearest Kathy,
Thank you for sharing so honestly here. I loved hearing that these tools are helpful to you!
I agree – pets are so calming. Our cat has a 6th sense about finding and then snuggling up to the person in the house who is feeling inside out. It’s so beautiful, their presence and unconditional love.
When I use the practice of calling on love, I will often bring to mind my beloved dog who died a few years ago as one of those “holding” me.
As always, thank you for sharing your journey. I am continually inspired by your heart and courage. What bravery you show by looking inside!
Also, did you see this post here on other tools to prevent a binge?
http://www.firstourselves.org/2011/binge-prevention-tool-rocking-your-cravings-to-sleep/
In love and gratitude, Karly
Karly,
Thank you for this post. It could not have come at a better time. I love the idea of saying my name as a means of loving self talk to calm myself down. The thought of it right now is soothing! I will definately try this technique in the future.
The phrase “This too shall pass.” is something I already use and most recently used it when I was extremely anxious visiting a sick relative in the hospital. The anxiety and emotional pain during that visit was intense and then I remembered that it was just that moment that felt intense and that it will pass and it did.
Learning about pain and loss in one of the six practices of Growing Human Kindness has also really helped me face these uncomfortable emotions and the physical sensations that accompany them. When I feel emotional pain, I have alot more compassion for myself and I look at objectively instead of falling apart and dive into the food. I am less afraid of the the tightness in my body, the swell of tears, my stomach churning and prickly inside are all signs of emotional pain and I never knew that before. Now that I recognize them I am less afraid and experience less anxiety because of it.
Lastly, I find that the best blanket of love that i find exceptionally calming is being with animals. They are so in tune to human emotions. When I am sad, my boyfriends dog loves to cuddle and its very soothing to have a pet snuggle next to you.
Thank you for all of your wonderful reminders on how to prevent a binge and staying calm.
In gratitude,
Kathy