The outer journey of healing from food and weight suffering means changing how we care for our bodies or how we eat.
The inner journey of healing means changing how we see ourselves. This is because how we see ourselves – the beliefs we hold about our goodness – affects every aspect of our lives: our behavior, our intentions, our motivation, and our actions.
Gandhi wrote, “Your beliefs become your thoughts, your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your values, your values become your destiny.”
How do you see yourself? What beliefs do you hold about yourself? How are your beliefs affecting your behavior, how you treat yourself?
As tender human beings, many of us share the belief that we’re unlovable, that we don’t belong, that we’re not enough, that if people really knew us they wouldn’t love us, that we’re not okay, that we’re somehow falling short, that we’re not doing enough, that we’re wrong, that we’re selfish, that we’re mean spirited, that we can’t care for ourselves, that we’re self absorbed if we love ourselves.
These shoulds – I should be different; you should be different; life should be different – create a basic sense of insecurity in our hearts and minds. We lose sight of our goodness and think we’re “bad.”
Then we live from this belief – living from a place of deep insecurity, fear and anxiety. This anxiety then fuels our behavior. We overcompensate. We hide. We try and make ourselves look good. We feel ashamed.
The way out is to kindly examine our beliefs. To look inside and see – what am I believing to be true? What am I feeling? What am I thinking? What am I needing?
I invite you to try this out for yourself. Before you put that brownie in your mouth, put your hand on your heart, close your eyes, and kindly ask yourself, “Sweetheart, what am I believing to be true about myself right now?” Before you yell at your reflection in the mirror, can you go inwards and ask, “What thoughts am I believing about my body?”
The path of compassion is recognizing that the beliefs that we hold about ourselves – that we’re unlovable or not okay – are not true. That they’re just thoughts, and we can choose not to believe them. That we can create a new way of viewing ourselves: as perfectly lovable, as wonderfully human, as something precious, worthy, and whole.
Beloved, there is nothing you can do to make yourself any more lovable than you are right now. How do you trust your goodness?
This really helped me today. It actually stopped a binge right in its tracks. Thank you so much for a lot of inspiration and wise words, and a place to turn to when things feel really difficult! This website has been a savior. Thanks again.
You are so welcome, Molly. Thank you for taking the time to write and share.
P.S. – Good luck on your new blog! Readers, you can find Molly at: http://bingefree.wordpress.com/
XO, Karly
OMG I so needed to hear this today. It is not something I’ve never heard before but it is something so easily forgotten. I am so deeply insecure about who I am. And I realize this is something that continuously affects my weight and lack of success in losing that weight and becoming healthy. It’s so hard to act upon something when you live your life mindlessly, powered by that huge source of insecurity and feelings of being bad. All I want is to get to the belief of being worthy… and whole. Thank you for always speaking directly to my heart!
Hi Kai,
I am so grateful that this message spoke to your heart today. Thank you for writing and saying so!
In gratitude and love,
Karly
You know, Karly, sometimes I put off reading your blogs because I know they are going to speak some sort of truth to me, and I have to be ready to accept it. I didn’t want to read this yesterday, but I read it today and realized that I have been trying to be different version of who I really am. In my head, I still think of myself as a 24 year old. When I look in the mirror, I get frustrated because it isn’t the slim and single 24 year old I think I should be, it’s the curvy 40 year old wife and mom that I am now. I finally realized, that it’s okay to be my frumpy 40 year old self, and it has taken such a burden off my shoulders! It’s so much easier to accept this “me” that I am now than trying to fight to be what I used to be. It was exhausting trying to be that girl. I’m ready to live in this 40 year old body – yes it needs work, but accepting who I am RIGHT NOW will make it so much easier to do that work.
Thank you Karly, for all you do!
Dear Jill,
I loved reading about your beautiful path of self acceptance here. Unconditional love and compassion is such a powerful practice…. I am so touched to share this journey with you. I am so inspired by your journey.
In deep love,
Karly