We’ve all heard the spiritual teaching about walking in another person’s shoes. We typically interpret this as an adage to soften our hearts; to suspend judgment and show others compassion when they’re hurting.
We can also use this teaching to tap into what is called sympathetic joy, mudita. What if walking in another’s shoes also means celebrating their joy with them? To feel happiness for the success of another – even when, especially when – our success doesn’t feel present? Whew, I know this can feel daunting. The little green monster can appear when we feel that others are getting life’s desserts while we’re eating crumbs.
And yet I encourage you to experiment with this practice, as it can transform the very jealousy that keeps us from being happy for others. In the same way that showing gratitude when we’re feeling the least grateful is when our hearts most need it, celebrating another’s joy when we’re feeling the least joyful has a similar power to arouse good feelings.
When we drop feelings of separation and participate in another’s joy, our joy expands. We can live vicariously and quite deliciously through others. We don’t have to own joy or have it be “ours” to feel it; we open the channel and allow it to flow through us. It’s as if their joy becomes our joy, and then just joy itself.
We’re all doing the best we can; we all have pain – and yet it’s not always at the same time. So while you may be experiencing sadness, another is experiencing joy. Sharing in other’s joy allows you to accept everyone wherever they are – as well as yourself wherever you are – and not close your heart to a part of life. It creates connection, easing feelings of competition and separation.
How you can practice sympathetic joy:
- Celebrate with someone who’s succeeding, such as in losing weight. Try to wish them happiness. I know this can be challenging if your own extra pounds are still present.
- Tell someone what you love and appreciate them.
- Wish someone well.
- Meditate on the happiness of others. Pause, breathe and close your eyes. Try to feel their joy when something wonderful happens. What does this joy feel like in your body?
- Notice another’s goodness; their particular reflection of the Divine. Think of how much fun it is to watch someone do something they love, whether it’s watching Michael Phelps swim, Yo-Yo Ma play the cello, or your daughter play soccer. Greatness is inspiring and longs to be appreciated.
In particular, this final practice has been very helpful for me, as it softens the internal voice that says I have to be good at everything I try. Instead, I can see how each of us are a manifestation of a particular talent. In noticing the talents of others, I’m free to honor my talent and drop this crazy pursuit of being superwoman. What freedom!
How does practicing sympathetic joy create freedom for you? For more on this subject, you can listen to this audio message as a part of my holiday help kit.
